“Really my only job is to look attractive.”

“…And commence tent-pitching in 3…2…1…” was the text sent to me from MJ sitting four seats down from me the moment Megan Fox came on screen in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. I understand why; she is unbelievably hot and very possibly the reason that Lonely Island wrote the fabled classic “Jizz in My Pants.”

Today, August 4th, marks Megan Fox Awareness Day. Several men’s sites including AskMen.com have christened a Megan Fox blackout in which no pictures will be shown and no articles written about the exotic beauty. It’s more hilarious than anything else; only a few sites have agreed to this blackout, and in talking about it so much, they have only brought more exposure to the allegedly overexposed Ms. Fox. I have a feeling this blackout would have been a little more useful post-release of Jennifer’s Body on September 18th, which is likely to bring the Megan obsession to pandemic levels.

“Harry Potter is Blockbuster Boy.”

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince pulled in a whopping $20 million dollars nationwide last night at 12:01 a.m. showings. This is an unprecedented amount for midnight showings, with the closest runners up The Dark Knight taking $18 million last summer and Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith taking $17 million. This Harry Potter release should be one for the record books; The Half-Blood Prince is likely to outperform not only previous Potter flicks, but this summer’s blockbuster Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

“Beginning. Middle. End. Facts. Details. Condense. Plot. Tell it.”

Last night, I went to see Transformers. My expectations were pretty low: I fell asleep during the first one when I watched it for the first time at home a couple of months ago, and although I acknowledge that Megan Fox is intergalactically gorgeous, I couldn’t really get into the forced robot voices and manipulatively heavy handed score. Sam’s car Bumblebee was a badass, and Shia LeBouf was funny and a surprisingly good actor, but I was less than ecstatic about going to see it.

Two and a half hours of soft-core Megan Fox porn, robot battles, nonsensical explosions and intermittent laughter later, I left the theater exactly as I entered it; ambivalent. The Michael Bay and Steven Spielberg pairing was a surefire win (the movie’s already made 300$ million), but the movie lost the plot and there was way too much robot on robot green screen action. Plus, the movie was too long (40 oz. of soda + almost 3 hours in a theater = Wanted: Catheter). It had everything you’ve come to expect out of a summer blockbuster: hot girls, sexy guys (although I would have appreciated more shirtlessness re: Josh Duhamel), explosions, bad guys/bots, etc. – but as far as it being a quality movie, it missed the mark. That said, I’m sure that every guy that I was with (boyfriend included) jizzed in their pants upon seeing that first shot of Megan Fox in her daisy dukes lounging on her motorcycle.

Highlight: Skids & Mudflap’s ghetto ass back & forth.

“Transformers…it’s upgrade time.”

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen sweeps the weekend box office, taking a projected 5 day total earnings of about $201.6 million, just short of The Dark Knight’s 5 day take last year which was the biggest ever. Michael Bay & Steven Spielberg have already covered their $200 million budget, and the film looks like it will quickly surpass Up as the highest grossing movie of 2009.

“Why are you naked?!”

After two weeks at the top, The Hangover has at last been overtaken by The Proposal, starring Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds. Bullock returns to her bread and butter – romcoms – with her biggest opening weekend ever. The film’s box office stands at $34.1 million, giving Bullock a very warm welcome back to the big screen. Distributors chose a good time to release it; it had major competition from another romantic comedy, and wasn’t (slash hasn’t yet been) demolished by Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

“I’ve got mov(i)es you’ve never seen.”

June Bugs: So much to see, so little time! Here are my picks for this month.

Up May 29th, 2009

Year One June 19th, 2009

The Proposal June 19th, 2009

Food, Inc. June 24th, 2009

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen June 24th, 2009

My Sister’s Keeper June 26th, 2009