“When I walk outside naked, people throw garbage at me”

It’s official: I want to marry a Chandler.

Somewhere in between the late night debauchery, relatives wearing holiday sweaters, and really bad television (re: The Hotel Inspector, Nothing to Declare, Lockup), I’ve managed to do something really useful with my time: watch Friends. The much talked about finale was probably the only episode I tuned into. I was the dislocated American youth who somehow missed the love affair with Friends; I blame living abroad. I have a weird affinity for the weirdly tight knit group of 30-somethings. I find myself referencing it in casual conversation:

(Me at coffee shop with England-ex): This is just like The One where Ross doesn’t want to have a DTR with his girlfriend so he gives her his one and only house key to avoid a real conversation…
England Ex: You are a tool.

Ok, so he didn’t call me a tool, but it went something like that. I missed the boat that no one wants to discuss the Monica/Chandler, Rachel/Ross, craziness of Joey/Phoebe dynamics with me. I get that sort of “You’re only catching up now? I watched the 5 years ago!” reaction, so I kind of just stopped talking about it publicly. Quotes after the jump.

Your jobs a joke, youre broke, your love lifes DOA.

Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.

Reporter: I like that. what’s your name?
[pointing tape recorder at Pheobe]
Phoebe: Pheobe. That’s, P, as in Phoebe, H, as in heobe, O as in oebe, E, as in ebe, B, as in bebe, and E as in… Ello there mate.

Joey: You don’t know what it’s like to put yourself out there like that and just get shot down.
Chandler: I don’t know what that’s like? Up until I was 25, I thought the only response to “I love you” was “Oh, crap.”

Phoebe: And then we can teach them to sing and we’ll be like the Von Trapp family. Although without the Nazis – no, that sounds kinda dull.

Joey: Man this is weird. You ever realize Captain Crunch’s eyebrows are actually on his hat?
Chandler: You think that’s what’s weird? Joey, the man’s been captain of a cereal for the last 40 years


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