“This city’s got big buildings I like food bye.”

I sometimes (always) wish that I had a vending machine in my house.

I sometimes (always) wish that I had a vending machine in my house.

There is no good junkfood in the house for me to gorge myself on. I don’t have a joke for that, it’s just really good news.

I often wish that I was a standup comedian. There is something about them that is so free and confident, commanding the stage with their own brand of comedy. Re: Jim Gaffigan or Daniel Tosh.

As a female, I feel that I have a congenital disadvantage: boobs and a vagina. Female comics just do not do as well as males. Whatever, I’m not bitter. The true comediannes of our time are everywhere in disguise: eg. LC (previously of the OC “Where everyone is white and rich like god intended”) on The Hills. I prefer to think of the show as a joke that the cast members brilliantly masterminded and are in on instead of the innane bullshit that it actually is. LC’s one liners alone are enough for hours of entertainment:

Go with your gut but use your head.

He’s a good looking guy but looks can only take you so far.

There’s a difference between good people who do bad things and bad people who do bad things.

I trust him as far as I can throw him and I don’t even think I can lift him.

I feel like that scriptwriters from The Hills took a note out of whoever the hell writes the horrible one liners for Horatio on CSI: Miami. He’ll always say something “devilishly clever” right before the opening credits role. Ew. Vom.com.

Alright, be on the lookout for an Eastern European male with bad teeth who may have access to an ape.

You know what they say “You lie down with the Devil, you wake up in Hell”.

Tomorrow’s what you make of it.

Justice is not yours to dispense, and now you’re going to pay for it.

Horatio's going to LOVE this.

Horatio's going to LOVE this.

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One Response to “This city’s got big buildings I like food bye.”

  1. […] Vending machine image pulled from here. […]

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