“Beginning. Middle. End. Facts. Details. Condense. Plot. Tell it.”

Last night, I went to see Transformers. My expectations were pretty low: I fell asleep during the first one when I watched it for the first time at home a couple of months ago, and although I acknowledge that Megan Fox is intergalactically gorgeous, I couldn’t really get into the forced robot voices and manipulatively heavy handed score. Sam’s car Bumblebee was a badass, and Shia LeBouf was funny and a surprisingly good actor, but I was less than ecstatic about going to see it.


Two and a half hours of soft-core Megan Fox porn, robot battles, nonsensical explosions and intermittent laughter later, I left the theater exactly as I entered it; ambivalent. The Michael Bay and Steven Spielberg pairing was a surefire win (the movie’s already made 300$ million), but the movie lost the plot and there was way too much robot on robot green screen action. Plus, the movie was too long (40 oz. of soda + almost 3 hours in a theater = Wanted: Catheter). It had everything you’ve come to expect out of a summer blockbuster: hot girls, sexy guys (although I would have appreciated more shirtlessness re: Josh Duhamel), explosions, bad guys/bots, etc. – but as far as it being a quality movie, it missed the mark. That said, I’m sure that every guy that I was with (boyfriend included) jizzed in their pants upon seeing that first shot of Megan Fox in her daisy dukes lounging on her motorcycle.

Highlight: Skids & Mudflap’s ghetto ass back & forth.

7 Responses to “Beginning. Middle. End. Facts. Details. Condense. Plot. Tell it.”

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