“Things bros like: Bachelor Parties, Entourage, and Not Calling Girls When They Say They Will.”

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Thursday, April 2, 2009
#1 Talking about how wasted they got on the weekend
When you ask a bro what he is doing on the weekend, you might as well be asking him, “Where and how much will you be drinking?” I mean seriously, if your answer to this ever consists of an answer that includes activities that don’t involve some sort of aspect of drinking, then they are not a bro and most likely, they are a bro-hater.

Bros love being able to brag about their drinking plans to friends at work. Bros especially love to rehash stories on Monday morning about their wild weekend, which inevitably end with the phrase, “Dude we were so fucked up!”. Extra bro points include:

Daytime Drinking: Self-explanatory, Sunday Fundays are a huge drinking day. Pretty much anytime the weather is nice it is an excuse to drink. “Dude, the sun was shining so we started shit up early man, started throwing some balls around in the backyard at like 2. Dude we were so fucked up!”

The earlier the better too. If you can honestly say you started drinking at like 7:30 AM, you are the fucking man. “Dude we started it up at 7:30, obvs we were crushing red bulls and 5 hour energys but we got fucked up!”

Having a ridiculously high bar tab – The more open tabs at a bar the better, and if you can have multiple open tabs at multiple bars, then you are a bro-king. Leaving your credit card at a bar chalks up huge bro-points too

Drinking after the bar closes – preferably at the bar – By doing this not only do you prove your bro-worthiness by being able to drink later than is mandated by the government, but it also proves that you are such a bro that you have connections at a bar and they will serve you after hours. Serious bro-getimacy.

Blacking out – One time a coworker stated to me that he had never gotten to the point where he had blacked out, and asked me if I had. I told him, “Umm ch’aa, last Saturday.” You see, that is because I am a bro and I get fucked up. A lot of people might be embarrassed to say they forgot what happened last night, not bros. Revealing this will most likely get you a “Dude, that’s awesome,” along with an immediate phone call to let everyone know that person “blacked the fuck out last night.”

Hangover– Nothing shows just how drunk you got like how hung-over you got. In fact these stories might be even more entertaining than your drunk stories. More value is given to stories that include vomiting, especially in ridiculous places. “Dude, I was so fucking hung-over at work I puked all over my bosses cube.” This type of story would immediately elicit high fives and fist pounds from your bros because this type of story could be retold by your bros and immediately give them “bro-cred” for even having a bro as cool as you.

Bottom line – Bros love to get fucked up and they love to let everyone know just how fucked up they got.

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