“This is where my juridiction ends.” – Fast & Furious

fast and furious good bad ugly

For the record, Fast & Furious is my favorite movie franchise of all the time. It’s by no means the best acted, or the most profitable, but ever since I first saw Dom Torreto talk about the magic of a ten second race, I was hooked. Usually, Netflix screws me over with new releases, sending me Taken 6 weeks after it’s DVD release date, but with Fast & Furious at the top of my queue for the last few weeks, they finally sent me a movie on it’s release date.

After watching the movie, I need to regain some dignity and rephrase my opening line: Fast & Furious is my ex-favorite movie franchise of all time. Checking the mail and seeing the bright red Netflix envelope that surely contained the movie, I felt like a child on the brink of blowing out the candles on my cake & opening my birthday presents. Well, Mom & Dad got me coal this year. It sounds harsh, but the movie was beyond bogus. I stayed with the franchise through Tyrese’s food habits & adventures in Tokyo parking garages awaiting an original cast reunion, and they let me down bigtime. Spoiler alert: they kill off Michelle Rodriguez, arguably the best actor, Paul Walker is even more full of shit, and the plot is essentially stolen…from 2 Fast 2 Furious. Vin Deisel works as a wheelman for a baddie, in the process meeting a hottie, running from the cops, orchestrating subpar/mediocre at best chase scenes, and chitchatting with Paul Walker. Ja Rule cameo in this disaster actually would have made the movie better, and in case you missed the memo, that’s saying a lot.

Save from a few standard Vin Deisel one liners, obligatory car/truck flips, and surprisingly, the end, the movie is lackluster. I’ll be the first to defend the original, but I guess I was full after the third helping; the fourth left me uncomfortably full and quite frankly, cheated. At one point Dom says, “Just like old times;” ya…not so much.

Tokyo Drift


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