“Remember “I” before “E”, except in Budweiser.”

In college, drinking bad liquor is a given. It is a rite of passage, and a testament to the incredible capacity and endurance of the human liver. From Natty Light to Aristocrat, I have often been faced by the immutable desire to find something that, in the wake of, will not make me feel that I have spent the evening hammered in a gutter. Although I am typically not a fan of flavored vodka, Firefly’s Sweet Tea Vodka has tempered the pain long suffered by the consumption of Long Islands, Jager bombs, and bad decisions. It is deliciously smooth, and can be mixed with water or lemonade. Burnett’s makes a similar vodka that is both inexpensive and a couple of steps above Aristocrat (not that it’s hard; moonshine is probably safer than that unfiltered vodka).

Boylan Heights offers 2$ Fireflies on Wednesday nights. Try a taste test. Side note: If you don’t think that your liver has taken enough of a beating (or you have a drinking buddy that you hate a lot), check out some of the Most Miserable Shots Ever Concocted.

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver — Jack Handy


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