“Three is a charm/Two is not the same/I don’t see the harm/So are you game?”

September 29, 2009

The original queen of blackout is back in the zone and out of control. I don’t know if it’s the new “Womanizer,” but it’s pretty catchy, the bridge is a strangely reminiscent of every Cascada song ever made, and the bass is infectious. If parents thought that “If You Seek Amy” was controversial, I’m sure that the PTA will love this gem.

Keeping it classy since 1981.

Keeping it classy since 1981.

*If this video is taken down briefly, you can also catch a clip of the song on Perez Hilton’s website.

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“It was fun for, like, 20 minutes, but the next day, I just didn’t feel good about myself.”

September 29, 2009

I can’t blame the chocolate cake and coffee churning in my stomach for my current level of queasiness: Kristin Cavallari makes a purported $90,000 per episode of The Hills. Which, at least in my opinion, is kind of a lot considering her job description.

Kristin Cavallari’s Contract

$10,000 for maintaining waif look
$1,000 everytime Audrina doles out the “dead in the eyes look”
$5,000 for making Audrina cry/show human emotions
$10,000 for every bang session with Justin Bobby and/or Stephen Colletti.
$1,000 for dropping Cali speak i.e. “That ride was gnarly,” “You messed with the wrong chick dude,” “Hella” used in any context. (For disambiguations, see Wikipedia entry.)
The remaining $60,000 or so most likely falls into the amount-paid-to-never-make-a-movie-like-Fingerprints-ever-ever-again scategory.

The Bitch is Back on The Hills tonight, September 29th at 10/9c.


” I only use my sick days for hang-overs and soap opera weddings.”

September 28, 2009

My 1 pm trip to Mem Gym treated me to an experience I have not had in years; daytime soap operas. More specifically, Days of Our Lives. The television that is usually tuned to ESPN had, by some strangely wonderful oversight, been changed to NBC. The teletext did not hinder my viewing experience, it only enhanced it; I have never been much for the heavy handed non diegetic music anyway. Days of Our Lives has been going strong since 1965, and although the characters have changed, the plots haven’t.

Why Soap Operas Actually Rock

1. A single phone call can last an entire episode. “Don Juan? It’s me. Ivonne. I have something to tell you…” Cut scene

2. Someone is always trying to kill someone else’s sibling/parent/long lost relative

3. Guarenteed at least one character just got out of the hospital, rehab, or prison. Bonus points for the trifecta.

4. A 5th grader who has never seen [insert obnoxious soap opera title here] could, within seconds, figure out the plot of episode 6, season 20.

5. The likelihood of any two storylines, let alone all six of them, happening concurrently is completely bogus, and therefore comic gold. Your Mom is banging your boyfriend who you found out fathered your comatose sister’s daughter who is now in juvenile detention?! Turn the volume up, don’t mind if I do!

6. People who watch One Tree Hill/The OC etc pretend that they are above soap operas, when these programs are actually just glorified iterations of soap operas with slightly better production credits.

7. To state the obvious, the transparently shitty acting and the male hairstyles. Iced tips…really? They haven’t been cool since Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys got fat in the mid 90s.

8. They are wonderfully analogous to a one night stand: afterward you feel dumb, dirty, tricked and mistreated, but rally on the notion that you will never have to see them again (although, if you have the [channel] number, you may want to)

9. The British and Aussie soaps (Hollyoaks, Eastenders, Neighbors, Home & Away). In 5th grade I perfected my Australian accent and held a dream of being a fat old bloke who spent his days in a pub drinking endless pints of Guiness.

10. The knowledge that, on their sick days, our fathers are not watching Sportcenter or CNN as claimed, but catching up on their soaps and maybe some Oprah.

It takes a rather special sort of person to follow soaps. You have to be highly intelligent (to understand them), & thick as a brick (to want to).

-Alan Coren


“Can’t wait to see ‘Where The Wild Things Are.’ Not to brag, but I’ve read the book.”

September 24, 2009

Don’t pretend you aren’t excited for Where the Wild Things Are.

Arcade Fire – Wake Up is the music in the trailer. The movie hits theaters October 16th.


“I thought you only murdered boys.” “I go both ways.” – Jennifer’s Body

September 22, 2009

Is it so wrong of me to get a small sense of satisfaction from the knowledge that Jennifer’s Body bombed? Its 5th place box office gross this weekend was a measly $6.8 million, putting it a couple million behind Love Happens (ya, another Aniston romcom), and a full $24.8 million behind Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. I don’t have too much to be happy about: between the rest of its theater run and DVD release, “Body” will likely cover its $16 million production budget, but after a summer spent inundated by Fox, I can’t help but indulge in a Chesire Cat smile moment. I’m a fan of Juno‘s Diablo Cody, but the horror comedy genre is a serious tough sell, especially when you’re marketing high school to an R rated audience. Had they forgone a little flesh and a few f-bombs, I doubt the movie would have floundered so badly.

jennifers_body_ver2

That said, I’m still totally seeing it.


“The walls are coming down.”

September 21, 2009

A roadtrip to DC in August introduced me to the band Fanfarlo. They represent an eclectic brand of London Indie pop that led to them touring with Snow Patrol and playing in South by Southwest in 2009. “The Walls Are Falling Down” was the first song I ever heard by them, and I fell in love with their use of trumpet, violin, and the overall composition and pacing of the song.

I somehow forgot to download their album Reservoir (it’s only $5.99), but was reminded to after visiting the sixty one per a friend’s recommendation. The site, a crowd sourced radio that plays music that’s going to be huge in 6 months, features a bunch of the group’s music. I’m not typically a slave to the indie wave, but this one is worth surfing. Check out more of Fanfarlo’s music here.


“One day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle.”

September 19, 2009

story 2

story 3

…life is really like this
story 4

Our lives drifts along with normal things happening. Some ups, some downs, but nothing to go down in history about. Nothing so fantastic or terrible that it’ll be told for a thousand years. That’s why people invent fights. That’s why we’re drawn to sports. That’s why we act like everything that happens to us is such a big deal.
We’re trying to make our life into the fairy tale. – Kurt Vonnegut