“You know what the trouble with real life is? There’s no danger music.”

July 1, 2009

Independence Day: So many movies to see, so little time! Here are my picks for this month.

Public Enemies July 1st, 2009

Bruno July 10th, 2009

The Ugly Truth July 24th, 2009

Orphan July 24th, 2009

Funny People July 31st, 2009


“I’ve got mov(i)es you’ve never seen.”

June 12, 2009

June Bugs: So much to see, so little time! Here are my picks for this month.

Up May 29th, 2009

Year One June 19th, 2009

The Proposal June 19th, 2009

Food, Inc. June 24th, 2009

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen June 24th, 2009

My Sister’s Keeper June 26th, 2009

“We have clearance, Clarence. Roger, Roger. What’s our vector, Victor?”

January 12, 2009

Flight back stateside last night = airplane movie time. What is better than sitting in economy for 8 and a half hours next to an oversized dude that snores watching bad movies on a 2 and a half inch screen? Ok, a lot of things. Complain as I do, I still really enjoy the inflight movie experience. I am totally that annoying person who gets overly involved in her movie of choice and will laugh/cry/feel right along with the characters…which manifests as me being awkwardly loud and getting dirty looks from everyone in front of me.

I flew United, so the choice was not nearly as extensive as say the new Virgin Atlantic/British Airways entertainment systems – 7 movie channels, 2 TV channels, not flatscreen – but it was nice to avoid the paradox of plenty. I had just enough to watch to keep me occupied, but I didn’t have to make the life or death choice of watching Tropic Thunder, Beverly Hills Chihuahua, or Atonement. I watched Nights in Rodanthe, Vicky Cristina Barcelona, and Death Race (in that order). If I had gotten some sci-fi action in there, I would have all of my genre bases covered.

Nights in Rodanthe was decent. It wasn’t as earth-shatteringly beautiful and romantic as the previews suggested it would be, so going in with Notebook-esque expectations, you’ll be disappointed. I’m sure that the book was better. Although it was amazingly predictable, it was strangely heart wrenching, and I did find myself tearing up…something about unrequited love just turns me into a blubbering adolescent girl. The aforementioned oversized dude seemed to take notice of this, as he offered me his dinner salad in broken English. Random kindess from a stranger only made me more teary…until he pulled out a Russian porno mag and I became incredibly creeped out. His 30 minute bathroom break that ensued was much appreciated. (Idk if the United Mile High Club has ever seen that kind of (solo) action)

Vicky Cristina Barcelona was one of the best movies that I have seen in awhile. I may be biased because I am essentially in love with Penelope Cruz; she is smoking hot. She makes me reconsider the whole “having-sex-with-guys” thing. Jk. But seriously. If I kissed that girl, I would like it. The movie was romantic, and dramatic, and comical…I really loved Scarlett Johansson’s character and her dynamic with Javier Bardem. Barcelona, both as a backdrop and as a major plot element was entrancing, and the Spanish accents/impassioned exchanges between Cruz and Bardem forever switching between Spanish and English literally made me melt. Probably better in the privacy of your own home with your lovah than sitting on a plane next to superhorny oversized foreign dude. Just a thought.

Death Race…I cannot get into. I initially watched the last 3 minutes while flipping around channels after VCB finished, and in that three minutes the entire plot was revealed. I still subjected myself to watching it in its entirity (I mean, even with my newfound love for Penelope Cruz I could not pass up the chance to watch Jason Statham in action…check out his back!) All backs aside, this movie reached new levels of ridiculous. If it was supposed to be ironic/a comment on the insane level that reality television has gotten to, it is borederline substantive. But it wasn’t. I LOVE car movies. Blues Brothers, Cars, Gone in 60 Seconds, Mad Max, Wanted…I have never been so excited for the release of a movie as I am about Fast and Furious (2009). But this one tanked…sorry.

Too bad Airplane wasn’t showing.

“You know what I used to have for breakfast? Cocaine. Know what I had for lunch? Cocaine.” – Role Models (2009)

January 11, 2009

She let me keep it after I fucked her.

school boy: Hey nice cow outfit. Where can I pick one of those up at, the gay zoo? Homo. Danny: No, no. It's not a cow. It's a a minotaur. It's a creature of myth. And he got this one out of your mom's closet. Wheeler: She let me keep it after I fucked her.

Role Models is a wildly underrated comedy delight. If you can get past all of the f-bombs and homoerotic/dick references, it was actually a feel good movie. My Dad said it reminded him of a dirty version of Meatballs, whatever the hell that means. I went to see it with my entire family + my grandfather. AWKWARD. Imagine sitting next to a grandparent (yours or anyones) as this line is delivered:

Gayle: Me and the judge have a special relationship… I don’t wanna get too graphic but I sucked his dick for drugs.

Yaaa…wow. Blowjobs are really a no go zone w/ old people. They should have put a warning on the movie. Of course I, with the maturity level of an adolescent boy, found it thoroughly hilarious/will definitely see it again. I love how they tied together little boys, sex, energy drinks, KISS, community service, Dragon’s Laire (ya…it’s apparently a real thing), and gratuitous boob shots. The guys were awesome, but respect must be paid to Jane Lynch: Gayle brought the movie to a whole new level.

Kudos to Paul Rudd.

“Ever, Ever After”

January 4, 2009

New Years Eve Fireworks in London3 days post fireworks, drunken mass text messages, and 36-hour hangover, I am still struggling with the fact that it is 2009. So many awesome things happened in 2008:
Britney Spears’ come back
-That McNuggets commercial…enough said
-Robert Downey proving (through multiple performances), that he is so much more that a druggie
-I sent my boyfriend of the time Sprinkles cupcakes on Valentine’s Day…and we broke up a week later. I’m not bitter, just really annoyed that I never got one of those cupcakes.
LC and Justin Bobby hooked up…(I wish…), Adrina subsequently takes her rage out by filming what will hopefully be a straight to DVD sequel to Into the Blue
-The world (i.e. ME) falls in love with Wall-E and recontemplates Al Gore’s Inconvenient Truth…briefly
-A friend of mine introduces me to Smittens and all of a sudden, the world makes sense again
-Teen girls around the world rejoice as Gossip Girl returns for another angsty, overly sexual season. YES!
-I fell in love with acapella music (all over again) after hearing Exit 245 from JMU sing Coldplay’s “Fix You”
-Drinking Red Bull, Rockstar, or Cocaine before workouts
-I discovered Best of Youtube AND Failblog…in the same year
-Obama becomes president and college campuses around the nation rejoice
Sex and the City finally steams up the big screen (kudos to Fergie for the disgustingly addictive theme song). Hopefully, Friends will be the next TV show to follow suit.
-Itunes introduces Genius, so that I have another reason to waste valuable time illegally downloading music.
-I realize how awesome random sports trivia is for picking up guys. Maybe in 2009 I’ll be bold and create my own fantasy football team.
-Oprah goes on Super Cleanse and feels refreshed!
-Oprah is fat. Again.
-I write a paper on Girl Talk and Illegal Art…cut to me feeling badass. I subsequently discover that another person in my class is also writing about Girl Talk. Feel mildly less badass.
Jizz in My Pants

All in all a good year. Too bad it’s over. I need a drink.

“A wide screen just makes a bad film twice as bad.”

December 30, 2008

If you are like me (and I am hoping that you are), you enjoy spending the holidays holed up at home in pjs. It is the eve of New Year’s Eve so enjoy the lack of pressure to wear uncomfortable heels/skintight dresses that you paid to much for by relaxing in front of the TV. Christmas has passed, but it is never too late for some Christmas movies (I will continue to say this through May and all of the summer months, after which it will once again be acceptable to admit to watching Christmas movies). This list sums up 15 of the best (and cheesiest), and even if you aren’t interested in holiday fare the site is full of guilty pleasure reading that will take you back to your college days and make you consider looking at Juicy Campus. I am enjoying watching lighthearted and happy holiday movies until I return to the states and my Netflix subscription resumes.

As for movies to look forward to in 2009: Bride Wars, Slumdog Millionaire, He’s Just Not that into You, Confessions of a Shopaholic, and Fast & Furious (disclaimer: yes, I have horrible taste in action flicks but I am a sucker for Vin Deisel and the fourth installment in the series finally sees his return.) Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience? Pink Panther 2? Not so excited about. Would not want to see either in widescreen. Trailers after the jump.

–> Based on the book by the Sex and the City writers