“I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.”

November 21, 2009


“To say that obesity is caused by merely consuming too many calories is like saying that the only cause of the American Revolution was the Boston Tea Party.”

October 7, 2009

For those among us that aren’t aware that Outback Steakhouse’s Blooming Onion has a Wikipedia article devoted to all 2,210 calories of it, we’re doomed to place bad orders at [fast food] restaurants. Or are we? The New York Times published an article yesterday claiming that calorie postings do not change habits. Providing calorie information for fast food items has been mandated in New York City since 2008 in an effort to inform and educate customers and hopefully compel them to make wiser choices at the check out counter. As a whole, American eateries have done a pretty crappy job of divulging just how many grams of fat are in that burger/nacho plate/”salad” dressing, but the jury is out on whether knowing will make us any less likely to indulge. The average person walking into a KFC, McDonalds, or even Cheesecake Factory cannot possibly believe that what they order will be flattering for their waistline. Fast food restaurants are like a cheap date; you get what you pay for. Sure, the fruit cup alternative to the mac daddy of burgers is somewhere on the menu, but why pay for a sub par salad when you could get 20 Chicken McNuggets for the same price?! One dietitian interviewed said, “Just by contemplating healthier choices, they feel like they could have done it and maybe they will the next time.” I apologize, but I must declare shenanigans. For those subsisting on minimum wage, concern for cost comes before health. For those who just enjoy fast food, health has no bearing until the doctor diagnoses with warning signs. We all beat ourselves up over the occasional caloric debacle, but for the most part can face facts: the passage through the Taco Bell drive thru for fourth meal was meant for poor decision making; the 990 calorie Volcano Nachos were an active choice over eating soy beans and chewing on ice cubes. For those on Kanye’s Workout Plan, Jerry’s Subway, Atkins, South Beach, or whatever flavor of the week diet, calorie posting hopefully encourages good decision making, but for everyone else, old habits die hard.

better fast food

Want more info on the worst foods in America? Check out Men’s Health Eat This, Not That. It will thoroughly gross you out and make you question every Cheesecake Factory salad you’ve ever laid eyes on, but gives awesome alternatives to common grocery store/fast food blunders. It even gives you info on which sushi roll you should be eating. Or visit This is Why You’re Fat to figure out what you really want to eat for dinner.

The chief excitement in a woman’s life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.


“When you look at a cupcake, you’ve got to smile.”

September 17, 2009

I tend to immediately archive junk mail. Victoria’s Secret, Zappos, AT&T and Urban Outfitters all skip the inbox. If I want an online coupon later, I check the “Shopping” label of my Gmail. For some reason though, I cannot seem to part ways with Sprinkles Cupcakes. It’s ridiculous really; their closest location is all the way in DC so they are wholly unattainable, but for some reason, as soon as I see a “Say It With Sprinkles” email in my inbox, my mouth goes the way of one of Pavlov’s dogs.

sprinklescupcakes

Besides the shot of caramel in my coffee, I almost always prefer savory over sweet, but when presented with a cupcake, I can’t resist. In fact, after staring at cupcake salacity for the past ten minutes, this coffee seems wholly insufficient. I may be forced to go home and bake a batch of Funfetti cupcakes.


“The journey of a thousand pounds begins with a single burger.”

July 25, 2009


“Hating the Madoffs is as American as pizza pie.”

July 22, 2009


Ruth Madoff sans freshly incarcerated hubby has been reduced to middle-West-Coast-America fare: the California Pizza Kitchen. Too bad that she didn’t check the expiry date on her coupons!

Slinking into the East Side eatery with a young female friend, she ordered a salad and white wine, but quickly got flustered. “The waiter said she was upset because she had coupons and they expired before she could use them,” a witness told us, adding that several diners told the waiters they shouldn’t serve her. One bit of good news for Ruth, though — she’d just learned her Ponzi-schemer hubby, Bernie Madoff, will be locked away in upstate Otisville, the prison his lawyer had requested. “I’m so glad! It’s just what we wanted,” she gushed to her dining companion. On her way out, one female diner shouted “Goodnight, Ruth!” The frosty-blond Madoff ignored her, but her dining partner cringed.

(as published on Page 6)


“When kids hit 1 year old, it’s like hanging out with a miniature drunk. They bump into things. They urinate. They vomit.’”

July 12, 2009

My StumbleUpon brought this gloriously disgusting image to me: A blog called Filthy Wizardry whose latest post showed how to construct spaghetti hotdogs. The creation dubbed “Squiddlies” are described as eating Halloween for dinner.

sausagespaghetti1 sausagespaghetti2 sausagespaghetti3

Apparently, the bloggers’ kids loved them.


“Sangria is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”

July 8, 2009

Here’s a wonderful and delicious Sangria recipe from Whole Foods. It’s quick and easy to make, and is a perfect substitute for red wine during the summer.

Serves 4

Save your best bottle for another day. For sangria, use a reasonably priced, reasonably good unoaked red wine with fruity, spicy notes. When peaches aren’t in season, a ripe pear or an apple is a good substitute. We’ve added orange liqueur, which imparts a sweet citrus punch. You may leave it out if you wish.
Ingredients

1 (750-ml) bottle red wine
1/2 cup freshly squeezed orange juice
1/4 cup orange liqueur, such as triple sec (optional)
1/4 cup sugar
1 small orange, thinly sliced
1 small lemon, thinly sliced
1 peach, pitted, peeled, and diced
1 cup 365 Everyday Value™ Italian lemon soda, chilled
Method

In a large pitcher, combine wine, orange juice, orange liqueur and sugar; stir to dissolve sugar. Stir in fruits and refrigerate until chilled and the flavors have blended, 2 to 8 hours. Just before serving, gently stir in soda; serve sangria over ice.
Nutrition

Per serving (about 13oz/362g-wt.): 280 calories (0 from fat), 0g total fat, 0g saturated fat, 0mg cholesterol, 15mg sodium, 35g total carbohydrate (1g dietary fiber, 28g sugar), 1g protein

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