“Would you like fries with that?”

November 16, 2009

I know a girl who broke up with a guy and she told him she wanted to “still be friends.” He said, “No thanks.” She wondered why he couldn’t fall back to being just friends after they had a romantic relationship. I came up with the “McDonalds Analogy” to try and explain it in a simple way that would help all women understand this tough question.

Imagine if you went to McDonalds a lot and ordered a Big Mac Combo meal. A Big Mac, Large Fries and a Coke. You really like this meal. One day, you pull up to the drivethrough and order the Big Mac Combo meal and the girl tells you, “I’m sorry – you can have the Big Mac and the Coke, but you can’t get fries with that anymore.” You think about this for a moment, and sure – the Big Mac is the centerpiece of the meal, but McDonalds has some really good fries and you like their fries with your meal. So you say, “I’ve been able to get fries with that before, why can’t I have fries with my Big Mac combo anymore?” The girls says, “Well, I just think it is better if you only have the Big Mac and the Coke from here on out.”

At this point, a lot of guys are going to go to Wendy’s or BK and see if they can get fries with their combo at that drivethrough window. But there are some guys who REALLY like McDonalds Big Macs and they might think, “If I keep coming here and ordering the Big Mac and Coke, maybe she’ll change her mind and give me some fries with that later.” So they will keep on getting the combo without the fries until the deal breaker happens: One day that guy is going to order the Big Mac and Coke and then he’s going to pull up a little bit to pay, and someone else is going to pull up to the drivethrough speaker and order the “Big Mac Combo” and he is going to hear the girl say, “Would you like fries with that?”

That’s why guys don’t like to be friends with a girl who breaks up with them.


“Please 4th year responsibly.”

November 15, 2009

“The tradition of the “fourth-year fifth” follows these rules: On the morning of the last home football game, fourth-year students, aka seniors, consume a fifth of liquor to celebrate four years of sub-par football. While the type of liquor is up to the drinker, students are supposed to finish the fifth by kick-off time. It’s an intense tradition, defended by students who claim that it isn’t alcoholism “until you graduate.””

“So this is spring break.” “Yep.” “Funny. It’s not how it looked in the brochures.”

November 11, 2009

spring break

Top 10 Spring Break Party Destinations for College Students


You SO want to be this girl.

1.Cancun Mexico
The spring break destination for the Girls Gone Wild wanna be in you. Expect wet t-shirt contests galore, rail liquor loaded with rohypnol, guidos and herpes, herpes, herpes. Bad decision making is expected, ditto lax condom usage. When you Google “Spring Break,” the first result to pop up is its Wikipedia entry. “In locales such as Cancún, Mexico, spring break activities traditionally include binge drinking, recreational drug use and casual sex.” Anyone who says they’re going for the snorkeling during peak season is lying. Sisqo hosted an MTV Spring Break Special in Cancun. Even if you DO have dumps like a truck, truck, truck, this alone should be reason enough to avoid.


Worth it.

2.Acapulco Mexico
VIP! OPEN BAR! UNLIMITED DOS EQUIS! STS will do just about anything to get you to go to Acapulco. Not advertised: airport scams, shitty beaches, drug wars, swine flu. Reconsider risking death to dance with the devil. If you have to go, save a little money by booking a one way ticket. You’re not coming back.



3.Party Cruise to Bahamas
Party and cruise in the same sentence shouldn’t sell you on this destination. 90% of the people on board will be students, but what about the other 10? Not the best location to bump into Dad i.e. Roman Polanski. Awkward. Imagine, 100s of drunk strangers on one boat together with sea sickness, food poisoning and STDs. Even the worst frat parties have multiple escape routes. On a boat, you’re fucked. Forget about having sex with [insert name here] Real World star host in the miniscule cabins. Go somewhere else and just book a half day booze cruise? You’ll thank me later.

beer shirt

4.Mazatlan Mexico
Mazatlan will cause you to reevaluate the saying ‘What happens on Spring Break STAYS on Spring Break.’ Includes: Morals, dignity, underwear, the local you married, valuables, Daddy’s credit card. Excludes: VD, memories, that weird rash on your face.


5.South Padre Island
Upsides: kegs are delivered to the beach, you’re still in America so there must be a Waffle House somewhere. Downsides: you’re on an island in Texas that will make you think of your father every time you go down. Have fun with that.


The resorts are beautiful. Stay on them. Everything is legal in Jamaica. Including killing spring breakers. Instead of going there, pop in an old Shaggy CD (Beenie Man will suffice), and YouTube Usain Bolt breaking the 100m World Record in the 2008 Olympics. It’s a lot safer.

high five

7.Panama City Beach
The “Spring Break Capital of the World” sees over 100,000 students flock to its shores every year. Panama City Spring Breaks are sponsored by such reputable companies as Victoria’s Secret, Xbox, and Banana Boat. If you were the shit in highschool, you probably went here, stayed at a Holiday Inn/Best Western/some variation there of, drove drunk, got naked, and generally partied like a rockstar. In highschool. Onwards and upwards folks.

8.Puerto Vallarta
Puerto Vallarta is known as La Ciudad Mas Amigable en el Mundo (The Friendliest City in the World). Translation: pack a gun.


9.Nassau Bahamas
Bacardi is made in the Bahamas, so expect a complimentary cocktail once you clear customs. It’s all downhill from there. The Atlantis on Paradise Island sets the standard for accommodation in the Bahamas. Unfortunately, the Atlantis is actually the exception, not the rule. Expect to see lots of cruise ships (i.e. frenzied tourists con fanny pack), drug dealers, and overly friendly men. If your hotel boasts a “man made beach,” it is actually just a 10 x 10 meter shallow pool sectioned off from the harbor. The booze is free flowing, but isn’t it everywhere? Every side of the beach is the shitty side unless you’re staying at Atlantis.


10.Cabo San Lucas Mexico
No wet tshirt contests? How is this even on the Top Ten List?

“L’age d’or of the disaster movie.”

November 10, 2009


“The only reason we ask other people how their weekend was is so we can tell them about our own weekend.”

November 9, 2009
4 Loko

When you have the option, always drink malt.


Destroy the evidence.


Watch out for Sonic the Hedgehog.


Keep it classy.


Don't steal beer from Sam's Club.


Go to the football games.


Help a brother out.


No, but seriously.

“A hot dog at the ball park is better than steak at the Ritz.”

November 4, 2009

World Series: battle of the titans.

Ill State of Mind

Empire State of Mind

“Life moves pretty fast. You don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

November 3, 2009

Washington, DC Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007. The man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time approximately. 2 thousand people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After 3 minutes a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule.

4 minutes later:
The violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.

10 minutes:
A 3-year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. Every parent, without exception, forced their children to move on quickly.

45 minutes:
The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.

1 hour:
He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition. No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.

Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people’s priorities.

The questions raised:

*In a common place environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?

*Do we stop to appreciate it?

*Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made…How many other things are we missing?