“I thought you only murdered boys.” “I go both ways.” – Jennifer’s Body

September 22, 2009

Is it so wrong of me to get a small sense of satisfaction from the knowledge that Jennifer’s Body bombed? Its 5th place box office gross this weekend was a measly $6.8 million, putting it a couple million behind Love Happens (ya, another Aniston romcom), and a full $24.8 million behind Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. I don’t have too much to be happy about: between the rest of its theater run and DVD release, “Body” will likely cover its $16 million production budget, but after a summer spent inundated by Fox, I can’t help but indulge in a Chesire Cat smile moment. I’m a fan of Juno‘s Diablo Cody, but the horror comedy genre is a serious tough sell, especially when you’re marketing high school to an R rated audience. Had they forgone a little flesh and a few f-bombs, I doubt the movie would have floundered so badly.


That said, I’m still totally seeing it.


“Vasup?! It’s me, Bruno!”

July 9, 2009

Bruno’s appearance on The Today Show with Matt Lauer was uproariously funny. Expect a huge release for the R-rated comedy/mockumentary when it hits theaters tomorrow.

“Vhy do artists do anything? Vhy did Louis Armstrong walk on the moon? Vhy did Leonardo Di Caprio paint the Mona Lisa?”

“Beginning. Middle. End. Facts. Details. Condense. Plot. Tell it.”

July 9, 2009

Last night, I went to see Transformers. My expectations were pretty low: I fell asleep during the first one when I watched it for the first time at home a couple of months ago, and although I acknowledge that Megan Fox is intergalactically gorgeous, I couldn’t really get into the forced robot voices and manipulatively heavy handed score. Sam’s car Bumblebee was a badass, and Shia LeBouf was funny and a surprisingly good actor, but I was less than ecstatic about going to see it.


Two and a half hours of soft-core Megan Fox porn, robot battles, nonsensical explosions and intermittent laughter later, I left the theater exactly as I entered it; ambivalent. The Michael Bay and Steven Spielberg pairing was a surefire win (the movie’s already made 300$ million), but the movie lost the plot and there was way too much robot on robot green screen action. Plus, the movie was too long (40 oz. of soda + almost 3 hours in a theater = Wanted: Catheter). It had everything you’ve come to expect out of a summer blockbuster: hot girls, sexy guys (although I would have appreciated more shirtlessness re: Josh Duhamel), explosions, bad guys/bots, etc. – but as far as it being a quality movie, it missed the mark. That said, I’m sure that every guy that I was with (boyfriend included) jizzed in their pants upon seeing that first shot of Megan Fox in her daisy dukes lounging on her motorcycle.

Highlight: Skids & Mudflap’s ghetto ass back & forth.

“What am I allergic to?” “Pine nuts, and the full spectrum of human emotion.”

July 7, 2009

Andrew Paxton: Margaret, will you marry me? Because I’d like to date you.

On Sunday afternoon, I finally went to see “The Proposal” with my mom. I had to see what all the fuss was about! Granted, Ryan Reynolds Herculean abs and Sandra Bullock is incredibly endearing, but I didn’t have the highest of expectations for what at face value seemed to be a run of the mill romcom with a predictable ending. The theater was surprisingly crowded for a Sunday afternoon showing of a 3 week old movie, which initially led me to believe that we had somehow ended up in the wrong screen, but my disbelief was silenced as the film opened on a shot of Ryan Reynolds in Starbucks. I was amazed at how well Reynolds and Bullock worked together; their innate quirkiness and fluid comedy was fun to watch, and felt incredibly natural. People say that Bullock doesn’t act, she always plays herself, and that really came through in this movie. Too often, romantic comedies are trite and almost embarassing to watch; badly acted, unwieldingly cheesy, annoying…but “The Proposal” hit the mark. The chemistry was comparable to though different from Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey ‘s in”How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days,” guarenteeing a solid DVD release. It was a decent weekend for the movie; it took an additional $12.8 million in box office taking its overall gross to $94 million. Definitely one that I will enjoy watching again.


“Transformers…it’s upgrade time.”

June 28, 2009

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen sweeps the weekend box office, taking a projected 5 day total earnings of about $201.6 million, just short of The Dark Knight’s 5 day take last year which was the biggest ever. Michael Bay & Steven Spielberg have already covered their $200 million budget, and the film looks like it will quickly surpass Up as the highest grossing movie of 2009.

“Yeah, you know what, next weekend’s no good. The Jonas Brothers are in town.”

June 16, 2009

The Hangover continues to dominate the box office. The domestic total as of Jun. 14, 2009 was $104,768,489, meaning that by Sunday, they had covered their $35 million production budget about three times over. It’s $44.979 opening weekend puts it at the 13th best for an R-rated movie ever, and it is likely to soon be the highest grossing R-rated comedy. It’s no surprise that there are already talks for a Hangover sequel. It would be hard to top this foursome’s blackout, but I’d love to see them try.