“I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday/Saturday night, more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.”

September 8, 2009

miller v kays

Random Thoughts from 25-33 year olds

– I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves
me.

-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

-I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need to drink to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they’ve invented the lighter?

-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

-That’s enough, Nickelback.

-I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.

-There is a great need for sarcasm font.

-Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.

-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually
becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it.

-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

– I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

– A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

– LOL has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.

– I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

– Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

– Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.

– How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?

– I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

– Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using ‘as in’ examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss’s last name to an attorney and said “Yes that’s G as in…(10 second lapse)..ummm…Goonies”

-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

– While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.

– MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

– Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

– I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

-I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

– Bad decisions make good stories.

-Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!

– Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem….

-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.

-There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

-I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

– “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.

-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t
watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’

-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

– I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

-When I meet a new girl, I’m terrified of mentioning something she hasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle,
then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles…

– As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,
but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

-Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still
not know what time it is.

-It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

-I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn’t know what do to with it.

-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the
Donkey – but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze
button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time…

-My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day “Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?” How the hell do I respond to that?

-It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and
the link takes me to a video instead of text.

-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they
drive behind obeys the speed limit.

-I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

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“That was like surprise butt sex!”

July 28, 2009

…exclaimed the dude getting off the “Loch Ness Monster” rollercoaster in front of me. It was a strange way to describe the experience, but I definitely agreed with him. Oh ya, FYI: surprise butt sex is never a good thing.

Last weekend I went to Busch Gardens for the first time with my boyfriend. I hadn’t been to an amusement park in years, and after entering the park and riding the Loch Ness Monster, I began to think that maybe it was because I hate rollercoasters. Luckily, I quickly recovered from that shocker and thoroughly enjoyed our 10 plus hours spent at the park. I got to ride the Big Bad Wolf (after 25 years, they’re taking it down in the fall), Escape from Pompeii (note to self: on water rides, white shorts are a bad choice), and my favorite of the many rollercoasters we road on Saturday: Apollo’s Chariot. We sat at the front for all 210 feet of the first fall (and every one after that), and I felt like I was living in technicolor. The feeling of putting your hands up at 75 miles per hour a) makes you feel like a BAMF and b) is wildly liberating.

I got made fun of all day because I loved the Battering Ram so much (or the Banana, as I called it). Love me or leave me, I am definitely a little kid at heart.

The best view came at sunset on Griffon. I refuse to be the tool to call a day at an amusement park romantic, but the view from the top of the world’s tallest dive coaster sitting next to your [insert schnookums alternative here] kind of made your heart melt; before it exploded on the 200 foot drop.

The getaway was well worth the two hour drive; I can’t wait to have my disposable waterproof camera developed.


“Sheep or Goat, Which Would Be a Better Lawnmower?”

July 14, 2009

Last night I was informed that goats can climb trees. I found this utterly hilarious. I was subsequently told that sheep probably can too, as goats and sheep are “essentially the same.” This I wasn’t buying, so I google searched “sheep vs goat,” and happened upon a website that wholly trumped the original hilarity of goats in trees. The third search result came up as: “Sheep or Goat, Which Would Be a Better Lawnmower?

I wanted to start a discussion on the topic because I am considering getting a sheep or goat for use as a lawnmower and while being familiar some with the local goat market here, I don’t know that much about pricing on sheep. I know I can purchase a goat for $35 and if the grass gets to poor to feed it, I can always slaughter it and purchase another later when the grass is thick again. By putting it in the freezer, I will be able to apply the overhead costs to both, my property maintenance and food budgets for cost effectivity. How much do sheep sell for now? How different do they clip the turf?

Amazingly, this post garnered 14 responses. 14!! Ya…wow. I don’t have a joke for this yet, but I find it hilarious.