“Being a fan of a movie before it gets popular is one of the most important things you can do with your life.”

December 8, 2009

“You used to be able to tell the difference between hipsters and homeless people.”


“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.”

December 1, 2009

Budget Christmas Presents

Tried and true.

Recession iPhone Cases! 10 for $7.99!


It could be collectible one day.

For when the romance has ended.

You're welcome.

No fruitcake. No exceptions.

Family size. Drink the pain away, all for around $13.00.

“L’age d’or of the disaster movie.”

November 10, 2009


“To say that obesity is caused by merely consuming too many calories is like saying that the only cause of the American Revolution was the Boston Tea Party.”

October 7, 2009

For those among us that aren’t aware that Outback Steakhouse’s Blooming Onion has a Wikipedia article devoted to all 2,210 calories of it, we’re doomed to place bad orders at [fast food] restaurants. Or are we? The New York Times published an article yesterday claiming that calorie postings do not change habits. Providing calorie information for fast food items has been mandated in New York City since 2008 in an effort to inform and educate customers and hopefully compel them to make wiser choices at the check out counter. As a whole, American eateries have done a pretty crappy job of divulging just how many grams of fat are in that burger/nacho plate/”salad” dressing, but the jury is out on whether knowing will make us any less likely to indulge. The average person walking into a KFC, McDonalds, or even Cheesecake Factory cannot possibly believe that what they order will be flattering for their waistline. Fast food restaurants are like a cheap date; you get what you pay for. Sure, the fruit cup alternative to the mac daddy of burgers is somewhere on the menu, but why pay for a sub par salad when you could get 20 Chicken McNuggets for the same price?! One dietitian interviewed said, “Just by contemplating healthier choices, they feel like they could have done it and maybe they will the next time.” I apologize, but I must declare shenanigans. For those subsisting on minimum wage, concern for cost comes before health. For those who just enjoy fast food, health has no bearing until the doctor diagnoses with warning signs. We all beat ourselves up over the occasional caloric debacle, but for the most part can face facts: the passage through the Taco Bell drive thru for fourth meal was meant for poor decision making; the 990 calorie Volcano Nachos were an active choice over eating soy beans and chewing on ice cubes. For those on Kanye’s Workout Plan, Jerry’s Subway, Atkins, South Beach, or whatever flavor of the week diet, calorie posting hopefully encourages good decision making, but for everyone else, old habits die hard.

better fast food

Want more info on the worst foods in America? Check out Men’s Health Eat This, Not That. It will thoroughly gross you out and make you question every Cheesecake Factory salad you’ve ever laid eyes on, but gives awesome alternatives to common grocery store/fast food blunders. It even gives you info on which sushi roll you should be eating. Or visit This is Why You’re Fat to figure out what you really want to eat for dinner.

The chief excitement in a woman’s life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.

“There’s an app for that, too.”

October 6, 2009

The iPhone. Because marketing trumps engineering or common sense.

“$9 for organic spinach?! Give me a break!”

October 5, 2009

I’m pretty sure that Twitter is just a joke run wildly awry. For most common folk, it is highly debatable that anyone actually cares what you or your cat is doing at any given time. Users send banal, sub-par one liners into the blue nowhere with the hopes that someone, somewhere is giving them an approving nod. In reality, using Twitter as a non-celebrity guarantees that 1) your cool points are out the window and 2) you are something of a narcissist and 3) Facebook is now inadequate for your procrastination needs. I’m guilty on all charges, but hopefully my levels of Twitterbuse don’t remotely mirror this.

“People perceive you as somewhat…” “Tempestuous?” “…Heinous bitch is the term used most often.”

September 13, 2009

The Book Twilight

I see lots of people complaining about various aspects of Twilight. Well, I read about half of the book. It’s written at a sixth-grade level. No, worse. It reads as though it were written by a sixth grader. In the diner, someone orders “chillie”.

I did not finish the book.

Things I Hate