“I’ll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.”

October 31, 2009

Halloween Survival Guide

The following are tips for any character in a horror film. If you do happen to find yourself in a horror film someday, use these tips wisely and you may make it out alive. Until the sequel that is…

Survival Tips:

1. When it seems that you’ve killed the monster, never check to see if it’s really dead.

2. Do not search the basement, especially when the power has just gone out.

3. When you have the benefit of numbers, never pair off or go off alone.

4. If the gang plans a fun midnight party in the town’s old abandoned mansion, don’t tag along. Especially don’t tag along if everyone’s going as couples, except you’re the odd guy/gal out. And if you’re the gang’s jokester, you may as well write up your last will and testament while you’re driving with them to the place.

8. As a general rule, don’t solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

9. If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.

10. Listen closely to the soundtrack; and pay attention to the audience, since they are usually far more intelligent than you could ever hope to be.

11. Never pick up hitchhikers.

12. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

13. In fact they won’t actually “be right back.”


“Halloween: the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.”

October 11, 2009

Halloween is right around the corner, and it’s nice to know that not everyone is above completely embarrassing themselves for the sake of costume design. I post these pictures in the hopes of inspiring you to look outside the skankalicious dress up box for your Halloween apparel.

Not that I will be.

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Really, Legolas?

Really, Legolas?

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I honestly don’t know what half of the costumes are, but I’m giving out major points for creativity.


“When kids hit 1 year old, it’s like hanging out with a miniature drunk. They bump into things. They urinate. They vomit.’”

July 12, 2009

My StumbleUpon brought this gloriously disgusting image to me: A blog called Filthy Wizardry whose latest post showed how to construct spaghetti hotdogs. The creation dubbed “Squiddlies” are described as eating Halloween for dinner.

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Apparently, the bloggers’ kids loved them.