“You know, I’ve been looking for a secretary. How good is your dictation? Get it, DICK-tation!?”

October 12, 2009

Even a couple of weeks after seeing it, I cannot bring myself to write a review of Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. Yep, that miserable. Where Fool’s Gold was laughably bad, this was a crack addicts equivalent of rock bottom. The only way that it could have been worse is if I had a) paid money to see it and/or b) Jessica Simpson made a cameo.

Why I Hated Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

1) The archetypal chauvinism: The portrayal of women? Nothing cute, nothing new, nothing even hinting at creative. I’m not what you would consider a feminist, but come on. You’ve banged how many women McConaughey? Really? Ya, no one is giving you brownie points. Just STDs and child support papers.

2) The slutty bridesmaids: Think the acting won’t get worse than McConaughey’s douchey smirks and always gratuitous “Alright, alright?” Think again.

3) The cameos: I can only hope that when Michael Douglas, Christina Milian, Camille Guaty, Anne Archer, Lacey Chabert and Emma Sone agreed to do the movie, they read a different version of the script. (Retraction: Christina Milian is all about questionable career decisions). I would question Jennifer Garner’s involvement, but then again, Elektra.

4) The script: Uncle Wayne, played by Michael Douglas, Connor Mead, lived by Matthew McConaughey. just a taster…

Connor Mead: (breaking up with three women simultaneously on a confeProxy-Connection: keep-alive
Cache-Control: max-age=0

nce call) Listen, I’m sincerely pressed for time right now so I’m going to have to do this in bulk. Um, it’s not going to work out for us!

Uncle Wayne: So here’s a couple of tips. When you first meet a girl you give her two compliments above the neck. Yeah, tell her she’s got nice lips, nice eyes, nice hair… she’s intelligent, her moral ethics, whatever crap comes to your mind. Then just when she begins to thinks that you’re another – you know – vanilla nice guy that she can tool around with all night without getting naked…
[hits his hand on bar] you *insult* her! Flip the power dynamic and your let her know that you’re here to play.

Conner Mead: You’ve got to risk love Sandra! I didn’t and look at me, I’m a lonely ghost of a man. It doesn’t mean that you’re never going to get hurt but the pain you feel will never compare to the regret that comes from walking away from love.

Dont expect any McConaughey money shots

Don't expect any McConaughey money shots

5) The lack of nudity: McConaughey never takes his shirt off. I was under the impression that that’s why he gets hired to do movies. If you need any explanation as to why this is a problem…

6) The association with Charles Dickens “A Christmas Carol”: Or rather, the association with the myriad of spinoffs. It makes a mockery of the legacy of both Mickey’s Christmas Carol and Muppet Christmas Carol. Way to ruin the classic(s).

7) The runtime: It’s 100 minutes that you’ll never get back. It feels a lot longer. Trust me.

8) Genre confusion: I fail to see where this was romantic, comedic, or any bizarre combination of the two. Class A Fail.

9) The worst part: The whole movie.

Check out this clip of Stewie ripping into McConaughey


“I see you’ve been eating noodles.” – Definitely, Maybe

July 29, 2009

Watching 2 Guys, a Girl,and a Pizza Parlor as a child, I never caught on to the fact that Ryan Reynolds is actually a good actor. Sure, he’s handsome, and he always delivered the witty lines of his character well, but he seemed like any other made for syndicated TV disposable Ken doll. I rooted for him in Van Wilder: Party Liason, but still wasn’t sold on his credibility. Cut to The Proposal, a surprisingly enjoyable romcom that felt refreshingly genuine and suggested that there might be more to Reynolds than his 18 pack abs and sense of humor.

Last Friday after work, I watch Definitely, Maybe. In the movie, Reynolds tells the complicated history of girlfriends past to his 11 year old daughter played by Abigail Breslin. Three women – Elizabth Banks, Isla Fisher, and Rachel Weisz – make up the bulk of the story, and Breslin’s character has to figure out which one is her mother. It was hard to watch in parts; Reynolds left Banks, his college girlfriend, to go pursue a career in political consulting. Seeing a movie that reminds you of the precarious-ness of college relationships while entering your 4th and last year of college (con boyfriend) is never easy. Surprisingly, I wasn’t rooting for Banks’s character in the end. The dynamic created in the movie between Fisher and Reynolds was so perfect it must have been born of a focus group. Each relationship was different and interesting, and Reynolds brought a needed realness to the story. Let me be clear; this movie is a romcom, not a drama, but it was so well acted I feel almost guilty lumping it in the same group as the Matthew McConaughey disaster “Fool’s Gold.”

Perhaps I’m not being objective enough in my review of this movie; a couple of glasses of White Zinfandel down, the rose colored glasses tend to come on. That said, I unapologetically give this movie an A-; it was a pleasant surprise, refreshingly honest, and made for my 20 something demographic. I would expect no less from the makers of Love Actually and Notting Hill.


“What am I allergic to?” “Pine nuts, and the full spectrum of human emotion.”

July 7, 2009

Andrew Paxton: Margaret, will you marry me? Because I’d like to date you.

On Sunday afternoon, I finally went to see “The Proposal” with my mom. I had to see what all the fuss was about! Granted, Ryan Reynolds Herculean abs and Sandra Bullock is incredibly endearing, but I didn’t have the highest of expectations for what at face value seemed to be a run of the mill romcom with a predictable ending. The theater was surprisingly crowded for a Sunday afternoon showing of a 3 week old movie, which initially led me to believe that we had somehow ended up in the wrong screen, but my disbelief was silenced as the film opened on a shot of Ryan Reynolds in Starbucks. I was amazed at how well Reynolds and Bullock worked together; their innate quirkiness and fluid comedy was fun to watch, and felt incredibly natural. People say that Bullock doesn’t act, she always plays herself, and that really came through in this movie. Too often, romantic comedies are trite and almost embarassing to watch; badly acted, unwieldingly cheesy, annoying…but “The Proposal” hit the mark. The chemistry was comparable to though different from Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey ‘s in”How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days,” guarenteeing a solid DVD release. It was a decent weekend for the movie; it took an additional $12.8 million in box office taking its overall gross to $94 million. Definitely one that I will enjoy watching again.

1102467_The_Proposal