“I’ll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.”

Halloween Survival Guide

The following are tips for any character in a horror film. If you do happen to find yourself in a horror film someday, use these tips wisely and you may make it out alive. Until the sequel that is…

Survival Tips:

1. When it seems that you’ve killed the monster, never check to see if it’s really dead.

2. Do not search the basement, especially when the power has just gone out.

3. When you have the benefit of numbers, never pair off or go off alone.

4. If the gang plans a fun midnight party in the town’s old abandoned mansion, don’t tag along. Especially don’t tag along if everyone’s going as couples, except you’re the odd guy/gal out. And if you’re the gang’s jokester, you may as well write up your last will and testament while you’re driving with them to the place.

8. As a general rule, don’t solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

9. If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.

10. Listen closely to the soundtrack; and pay attention to the audience, since they are usually far more intelligent than you could ever hope to be.

11. Never pick up hitchhikers.

12. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

13. In fact they won’t actually “be right back.”